Wishing & Hoping

Text 1:

Binx, Ayah ucapkan selamat hari jadi. Mudah-mudahan panjang umur & hidup sentiasa di rahmati Allah. Love - Ayah

Reply 1:

Thanks Ayah... Am surprised that you remembered.. (This was the 1st time after 8 years that he wished me on my birthday)

Text 2:

Love you. Nanti Ayah ada rezeki Ayah bagi present ok?

Reply 2:

Nah.. it's ok. Dah besar dah pun.. No need laa present.. A wish is good enough..

Text 3:

Dah besar Ayah bagi le hadiah yang besar...

Reply 3:

Gift/present is not everything.. It does not mean anything nor will it change anything Ayah.. Seriously, a birthday wish will do just fine..

Text 4:

I know. But Ayah memang dah set about it...


hmmpfff....


Why does he has to spoil everything by trying to substitute something with material stuffs? Why? Does he think that by giving me a "big" gift, he can make me love him more, or by not giving me anything, it will make me love him less?

Instead of making me feel loved, the message made me feel sad. It was so typical of him to show his "love" to us by giving us material stuffs. Unfortunately, this daughter of his was never a materialistic kinda person. Instead I'd rather just have him calling me up and wish me personally than receiving any fancy/expensive gifts from him.

Why can't I have a normal father that showers me with hugs instead of money? Why can't I have a father that is always around whenever I need a man's point of view? Why can't I get a father that I can plan a father-daughter day out with?

I know I should be grateful and thankful that I actually have a father (even though he was not physically and emotionally around for more than 8 years now). However, at times like this I really wish that I can have more. I envy my cousins for having a dad that was always around to joke with them, laugh with them and cry with them. I wish I could share those moments with my own dad...

That was all that I wished for... It's not the gifts/presents that I want...




binx: where's the tissue when I need 'em?