Can a girl and a guy just be friends?
My ex once told me that a guy won't pay any extra attention to a girl unless he has an intention to be more than just her friend.
Call me naive, but I just can't accept that statement. What's wrong with having someone from the opposite sex as your friend, a close friend that is?
Growing up in an all-girls family, I find that talking to a guy is much more easier than talking to a girl. Don't get me wrong here.. I do love to talk to my girlfriends.. However, there are something that I just prefer discussing with a guy due of various reasons.
Hence, throughout these years, I have befriended a number of guys that I can really call my friends. No, I don't hold any romantic feelings towards them - just the love among friends. Spending time with these dudes would always result in lots of information trading on the opposite sex and definitely lots and lots of jokes and bullshitting fun.
Nevertheless, my number of guy friends now are dwindling due to marriage. Most of them just fade into the wind once they have tied the knot. I know that some people just find boy-girl relationship to be disturbing. Hence, my guess would be that the wives can't accept that fact and so the husbands are just trying to make the wives happy. I understand that fact and I respect it as well.
What I don't understand is that why does the wives need to feel insecure in the first place? I mean, he chose her as his lifetime partner, he married her and wants to share his whole life with her... why feel threatened by the friend?
This theory can also be applied the other way around. There are men, who can't tolerate their wives or girlfriends having guy friends. I know they exist because I used to date a guy who can't understand why I have lots of guy friends. One of the reason why we ended the relationship was because he felt insecure about it.
I can argue about this topic for hours and still feel unsatisfied about it. I guess not everyone share my sentiments on this matter.
Someone told me that perhaps I haven't love someone deep enough to feel the jealousy that creeps up whenever I see him talking to the opposite sex. Maybe.. Or maybe I just don't have a jealous bone in me.
So, do you think that a guy and a girl can be friends - especially after marriage? What say you?
18 comments:
yes, married men (& women) can have friends of the opposite sex, purely platonic. I have a very good guy friend who's been married for the past 3 years, ain't no qualms about it! In fact, he told me something one day - women should give a thought about their hubbies having close girl friends, because then they can ask those friends and learn a thing or two on how to please their wives ;)
having said that, ada jugak lah yang menggatallllll... ishhh. you know what I mean, kan. so I guess like you said, there'll never be a conclusive argument about this topic... lol!
Say you, say me; say it for always
That's the way it should be
Say you, say me; say it together
Naturally
As we go down life's lonesome highway
Seems the hardest thing to do is to find a friend or two
A helping hand - Some one who understands
That when you feel you've lost your way
You've got some one there to say "I'll show you"
Lionel Richie
may:
hmmm.. it's true what ur friend said.. u can actually learn alot about the opposite sex from ur friends...
ermm yg gatal tuh u should avoid laa.. nanti tak pasal2 u kena ambush by the wife.. :D
lionel pochie:
aaahh... a classic song..
with nice lyrics too...
thanks for the reminder..
:D
i do share ur opinion about it easier talking to a guy.. but then can never trust a guy 100% la.
well-well, remember when Harry met Sally? Its unavoidable when girls met boys something would be happen, its in the way we deal with things, our feelings, the other's emotions and so forth, so if you ready to make fren's with somebody's husband or just a guy fren for that matter, go on! I did it wat..and I totally agree we can be friends to any guy frens minus the menggatal. :P
Of course it is possible to be friends!!
I totally agree with you on guys are easier to talk to. They are easier to confide in too I think.
I too had many guy friends. Now hardly at all cause they are all married. Somehow when they get married, I feel like I've lost a friend. Sure enough, things just aren't the same.
About jelousy, that is just natural. As long as communication is in line, the respective spouses should understand that it is only purely platonic.
Part of life I guess...
Same here Binx, I find it easier to talk to guys on certain things.
Yes, a guy and a girl can be friends even after marriage. But one should not hide the friendship from the spouse. Make the friendship known to the wife/hubby and let the friend be a friend of the wife/hubby too.
I was the pengapit for my best-ever-guy-friend wedding. The girl knew how close we were (platonically!) before she married him (infact I kinda taught him how to propose to her!), so no objection to our friendship. She became my close friend too.
But of course after they got married, I have to draw a line in the friendship. Cannot be so kamceng to him the way we were.
i always wished i had more guy frens but alas, i hardly have any save for one or two..and like u, the friendships have dwindled due to marriage n such..
i think it IS possible to b frens with the opposite sex after marriage, provided both parties and their respective spouses are cool about it...i think what happens is some spouses aren't cool about it, so that's why the friendships disintegrate...
as for the jealousy syndrome, i speak on behalf of all jealous women the world over, because i can't deny that i am one! jealous wife syndrome? there'll always be that.. because it's a part of female nature, i think...n perhaps jealous male syndrome too...so i suppose, whether we like it or not Jealous Spouse Syndrome exists!
but that's not to say that i don't believe in being frens with members of the opposite sex...it's just the way u handle it i guess, with respect to the spouse.. :-)
likewise, i have always prefer befriending guys to girls. Heh. Blame tat on growing up in an all-boys-and-no girl family. But to be still friends with a girl/guy after marriage, IMHO there should be a line drawnlah. Takleh lah cam blum kawin ek. Heh, well..it's more important to be honest; intro to ur wife/hubby ur boy/girl friends. And again, just know when to draw the line ;)
dsaint:
are u sure gatal ppl do it purely for laugh ah? liar!
:p
cik pijah:
100%? no lar.. not fully..
however i somehow prefer to give them the benefit of the doubt laa..
rj:
on my part of course laa easy.. however, the world does not only revolve around me.. hence, have to think about other ppl's feelings too.. life is ever easy eh...?
3six7:
i think i wrote about guy-girl platonic r/ship aje last yr.. it didnt include between married men/women.. so in a way, this topic is diff :p
i get what u r trying to say and i have to agree with ur points.. however, i find it sad to be losing friends over marriage..
lin:
aahh yes.. i can totally relate to u, girl..
communication is the key to happiness.. :)
ubisetela:
that's one cool friendship u have there girl.. that's the way it should be.. befriending the spouse n continuing the f/ship.. it's like an extended f/ship kan.. :)
u didn't hook up with the bestman ke? hehehe
marinadelrey:
u have a point there, dear...
if the spouses are cool with it, why not kan? plus, now u can go out in a group = more fun..
yeah jealous spouse syndrome does exist.. however, i have to admit that i have a very low tolerance level with jealous partners.. me kena carik org yg kurang perasaan laa kut as my hubby.. hehehe
kiezamy:
aaah.. yes.. drawing the line..
what is the generally accepted boundary ek? occasional meet-ups (lunch/teh tarik/rhumba)? occasional catch-up phone calls?
oh well.. just go with the flow aje laa kan.. :)
To be politically correct, I'd say that a Platonic reletionship between a man and a woman is possible. But the reality is that altho it is possible, does not mean that its probable!
I'm a cynic (dependimg on your point of view), thus all I have to say is that women generally suffer from the mistaken belief that a Platonic relationship is possible. On the other hand, most men (if they are honest enough) will admit that a Platonic relationship is a means to an end i.e. having his way with her.
A "friend" of the opposite sex is easier to talk to and relate with. Therein lies the problem! Sooner or later, one or both, is bound to develop romantic notions. Even if one or both are attached, it doesn't matter because the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.
That's my 2 cents on the subject. But don't mind me - I'm just a grumpy, cynical old man...
Sometimes I sleep over my buddy's place, this dude, his gf is also living there.. but my mom will grumble. She says I might ruin things between them! LOL. Hmm... But maybe because most of my male friends are ugly. haha. so no romantic notions ever developed?
doreen echoed what been said by the DJ this morning. It is possible a woman be friend with married man as long as the man is ugly. :)
As for me, it is possible for a man and a woman to have a platonic relationship. but i doubt that relationship will maintain as such after crossing the marriage line. probably due to jealousy or the focus has now been shifted to the marriage/spouse/family.
but yea, i guess it's ok..only that each and everyone have to know bila nak "lukis garisan" ;)
Binx,
the bestman was already engaged at that time, tak sempat nak ngorat :)
u can be friends with who ever u want as long as u know the boundaries. heck even if u know the boundaries and u wanna be more than friends pun is more than welcome la kan. provided u are okay with the whole 'perosak rumah tangga orang' tag or what ever. if u can sleep at nite feeling all okay about it. takde masalahnye.
i think friendship should not change with marriage or whatever. kalau dah kawan tu patutnye remain aje la friends. hehe we shud be okay with our repective others carrying the friendship from before pun.
yg tak tahan tu, some, dah tau dah kawin, yg pi do nggatal nak melayan orang single lagi bakpenye..
totally depleted:
hey.. long time no see..
thanks for ur thoughts, O' grumpy cynical One.. hehehe.. somehow, it make sense when u put it that way... thanks for sharing ya..
doreen:
*lol*
u sure that's the reason ah? That's what the hitz.fm morning crew said this morning too...!
teek:
waaa.. u listened to the show too? I switched on the radio this morning and went "whoa... they r discussin abt the topic too..!"
yeah..no doubt the frienship scale will change after marriage.. but it is still possible to remain friends kan?
suruh cikgu teek lukis kan garisan.. hehehe
ubisetela:
dang!...
takpe.. better luck next time..
lepas nieh, if there's a "next time", dun forget to kenyit mata to kat the bestman tau
;)
acat:
i can never sleep knowing the fact that someone else will be crying bcoz of something i did.. nightmare tuh..
however, i do agree with ur take on f/ship.. yeah, it should go on even after marriage..
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