Just a wish for you...

It was your birthday last Sunday. I have been reminding myself of the date the whole week. Actually, I didn't even have to remind myself because one look at the date and I'll straight away remember what day it was. And it was your birthday.

It has been several years since I've last wished you 'Happy Birthday'. The last time we celebrated was actually the first time I realised that something was amiss. It was the beginning of the end. And the memory of it still lingers at the back of my head until this moment. Just can't seem to erase it out of my head. Sad how things work kan.

Since, we have put the pass behind us, I was really anxious to call you up and wish you personally this year. I even toyed with the idea of buying you a gift and even a card. Was browsing through some cards the other day but I just couldn't get myself to grab one and walk to the counter to pay for it.

Why? I don't really know myself... Maybe because I feel that it won't change how things are between us. Maybe because you don't really make the effort to get close to me and instead are very attached to the new people in your life. Hence, I thought my gift would not bring any significant meaning to you compared to the ones that you'll be receiving from others. It would just be another meaningless object in your life.

Therefore, since I don't feel like calling you or texting you a birthday wish, I am just going to do it here.. virtually, with hope that you might be reading this (no no... please don't).

Happy Belated 58th Birthday, Ayah!!

Even though I've stopped saying these words to you, I hope you know that I do love you.

It's true what Abah (an uncle) said; even though you left us and moved on with your life, even though how much we hated what you did to us, even though we tried our mighty best to hate you, you are still our dad. And that's the cold hard truth. A daughter should not hate her father, because he IS her father... I didn't get Abah's message at first and even decided to close one ear every time he starts to lecture me on the topic over and over again. However, I think I've finally get the message now...

Father of Mine - Everclear

Father of mine
Tell me where have you been
You know I just closed my eyes
My whole world disappeared

Father of mine
Take me back to the day
When I was still your golden boy
Back before you went away

I remember blue skies
Walking the block
I loved it when you held me high
I loved to hear you talk

You would take me to the movie
You would take me to the beach
You would take me to a place inside
That is so hard to reach

Father of mine
Tell me where did you go
You had the world inside your hand
But you did not seem to know

binx: wonder if u remember MY bday....